Decidedly Dry with a Runner's High
Decidedly Dry with a Runner's High
Vol. 6: A Weekly Love Note
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Well hello lovely reader! It’s me, your faithful messy bun wearing weekly writer, Jess. For those of you new around here - it’s my mission to slip a little note your way every week (clearly I need to work on picking a consistent day) filled with topics related to embracing a sober lifestyle, motherhood, wellness, homeschooling, and more!
What’s Jess going to write about today? So glad you asked. Today I’m talking about my never-ending, love/hate relationship with running. I’ll share the story of my most recent marathon, the aftermath, how running is a perfect metaphor for life (and our sober journey), and how I plan to move forward in this new season.
Buckle up friends, this one is going to be good…
Before becoming a mom, I was a runner.
Before becoming alcohol-free, I was a runner.
For the longest time, running was always part of who I was.
It was my stress relief, my meditation, my “me time”, my movement. It allowed me to push myself and work towards different goals. I could compete, stay active, and at the end of the day, it brought me a huge amount of joy.
After giving up alcohol back in December of 2019 (1,385 days ago to be exact), I saw a slow decline in my motivation to run. Like I mentioned before, running was a big part of my life for a very long time. I had seasons where I was ranking pretty well in local races (for my non-runners, this just means I was kinda fast), I’ve finished more half marathons than I can count, and had trained and completed 4 full marathons.
It wasn’t until last summer when it hit me - I missed running and I was struggling to imagine myself as a non-runner. Most can agree, that the identity of a runner is branded within our mind, body, and soul. Almost as if it’s been tattooed from the years of effort and literally putting one foot in front of the other.
Was I ready to retire my running shoes for good? Was I having an identity crisis? That sounds kind of dramatic, but it was definitely something on my heart. You know, humans have a complicated relationship with change. I believe it’s both inevitable and essential for growth, but change can still be deeply uncomfortable - especially if it feels involuntary, or out of our control.
Now to be clear, not running was something I was choosing, it wasn’t out of my own control. And like that one quote says, “Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.” I was done choosing the excuses that were leading me to believe that I should be done with running.
In true Jess form, I decided the best way to get me back into running would be to register for my 5th full marathon. I know, I know, what a doofus. But if I was going to start running again, I knew I’d hold myself accountable if there was money down and a race date circled on the calendar.
I signed up for the Newport Marathon (on the beautiful Oregon Coast) scheduled for June 2023. It had a reputation for being a smaller race, an out-and-back, and here’s the best part… really, really, incredibly flat. Sign. Me. Up.
My first couple months of training went beautifully. I started from square one and was dedicated to my training calendar to ensure I avoided injury.
Soon it was late April and I was approaching a crucial part of my training: the famous 20-miler training run. For runners, this is typically your last big run before race day. It’s the one that reassures you that you’re ready. Cause if you can run 20 miles? You can run 26.2 miles. I know that sounds crazy, but those last miles come down to having a strong mindset.
Problem was, for the last two months of my training I was battling some unfamiliar stomach issues. This had never happened to me before and it was utterly defeating and frustrating. I won’t go into too much detail here, but let me just say - I was freaking out. Race day was around the corner and I was struggling to figure out how to get back to my “normal” comfortable running.
Race day arrived and I was sick as a dog. Coughing non-stop, exhausted and anxious about what was going to happen out there on the course. I’ve never received a “DNF” (did not finish) and I had trained way too hard to not give this a shot. So I laced up and was determined to cross that finish line.
Sure enough right about mile 6 my body wasn’t having it. Every time I tried to run my stomach hurt and guys, this is such a heartbreaking feeling. When your legs are ready to carry you, your heart and your mind are in the right place, but your stupid guts are holding you back. I had a decision to make… I could quit, call it a day, and have my mom and sister pick me up. Or I could speed walk the entire rest of the way and cross that finish line. If there’s anything that sobriety has taught me, it’s that we’re capable of doing hard things.
So right then and there, I decided that I’d speed walk the 20.2 miles I had left on the course.
It was hard.
It was uncomfortable.
It used and tore up muscle groups that I hadn’t been prepping.
I could feel the bottoms of my feet blistering and I even received my first black toenail.
I was passed by countless runners and battled ALL the emotions.
But guess what? I finished the race.
I chose to move forward. To accept the cards that I had been dealt that day and persevere. Cause that’s the crazy thing about the marathon: you train for months for ONE day and you have no idea how you’re going to show up that day.
Was I completely heartbroken about my performance? Absolutely. That wasn’t the race I trained for.
But a dear, wonderful friend of mine told me afterwards, “Jess… what you did is amazing. You trained for a race, showed up and completed an entirely different race. You were determined and didn’t give up.”
Thank God for friends that know exactly what you need to hear.
It wasn’t until just last week (yup, you read that correctly - over 3 months after my race) that I heard a podcast with professional ultra trail runner, Sally McRae. She said, “My belief is that everyone is created strong. Strength is more than just physical attributes. It’s more than big muscles and toned bodies or setting personal records. Strength is an innate part of us… It’s how we learn to get back after falling. It’s how we navigate relationships, career, and everything else in life.”
I wasn’t going to let that last race keep me down. I was going to choose strong and get back up.
Running, in my opinion, is a lot like life. We go through tough times, have a crappy run (or race) and then there’s a great one. For every terrible long run, there’s a magical one that reminds you why you love to run.
The suck makes us stronger. The practice and the training prepares us. There’s no right time - you just have to go after it and see what happens.
xo, Jess
Newest Episode on Decidedly Dry:
Ep. 75: Holy Toledo my friends, we have reached the 75th episode of Decidedly Dry! Can you believe it?! What a fun milestone I have the pleasure of celebrating with YOU!
Today I am chatting with Emily McDermott. Emily is a wife, mother of two energetic boys, and a simplicity seeker. She is also the host of the top 1.5% globally ranked podcast, Moms Overcoming Overwhelm, where she helps moms declutter their homes, heads, and hearts. Emily enjoys writing poetry, dancing, and eating peanut butter out of the jar.
I hope this episode blesses you.
Ways to Connect with Emily:
Website: Simple by Emmy
Facebook Group - Decluttering Tips and Support for Overwhelmed Moms
Email: info@simplebyemmy.com
Listen to the Moms Overcoming Overwhelm Podcast.
Freebie: 5 Mindset Shifts To Help you Let Go of Clutter
Things I’m Digging:
Easy Peasy Dinner: Homemade Pizza Dough Recipe. We make homemade pizzas at least once a week and they’re absolutely delicious! Grab your favorite toppings and voilá!
My God-Curious Journey: Latest takeaway: Jesus reminds us in John 15:5 that the power to be fruit-bearers only exists as we draw our strength from Him. To be broken away from the body of the vine (Jesus), we would be but a broken, dead branch. I also loved in John 14:8-14 Jesus notes that those who come after Him will be able to do “greater” works than He has. I don’t think this implies believers have a larger power than Jesus did, rather it means we have an opportunity to reach more people for longer than Jesus did.
Currently Listening To: This podcast episode was DYNAMITE. Talk about getting my head in the right place: Keep Hammering Collective 035 - Sally McRae. Listen here.
Reading: Finishing It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover. Just a few more pages and I’ve got fingers and toes crossed for a happy ending! Up next: Choose Strong by Sally McRae (inspired purchase after listening to the episode listed above).
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One Last Thing…
I just want to take a minute and say thank you for sticking with me. If you’re receiving this email it’s because you’ve either purchased a journal, participated in a wellness challenge of mine, loved my content, purchased coaching, etc. No matter what it was, our paths crossed at some point and you’re still here. That means so much to me and YOU, my sweet friend, are the reason I continue doing what I do. Regardless of which you choose, free or paid, we’re still bff’s.
xo,
Jess
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