How and When to Talk to your Kids about Alcohol
How and When to Talk to your Kids about Alcohol
Hiya friends! Today I have a really juicy topic for you - we’re gonna chat about HOW and WHEN to talk to your kids about alcohol. Now, as I hope you know, I’m not a doctor, I’m not a professional, but I am a mom who has had some great chats with her children about this topic and I thought it might be a great one to bring here to this blog. Along with my own personal experience, I’ve done some research for this episode and I’m thrilled to share it with you. So read this over with an open mind, take what ya want, leave what you don’t. Sound fair? Great!
First things first, before we actually start having the talk, no not the birds and the bees talk, the alcohol talk, you may be asking yourself, “ But when is the appropriate age to begin this conversation?!?” Great question! Many tend to believe this type of heart to heart can wait until high school, but according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, speaking to your children about drinking should happen by age nine! At first it may seem kind of young, I mean I know a nine year old (I'll keep him anonymous) who still has to be reminded to shower and still sleeps with stuffed animals! You’re telling me that his beautiful innocent mind is ready to talk about alcohol?! The answer is YES.
This is the age that kids begin to think positively about alcohol. This is all thanks to advertisements, shows and movies that portray alcohol as fun and social. That being said, talk about alcohol use with your kids early and often as they grow up. Parents (including myself) sometimes underestimate how ginormous of a positive influence we can have on our children’s choices about drinking.
Now that we know when to have these chats, here comes the important one… HOW do we navigate these chats? While every kid is different and every parent has a different style of parenting, here are 5 tips or ideas to consider:
Keep it simple and short. Preschoolers aren’t quite ready for a lot of information about alcohol. But you can definitely take advantage of the opportunity to not drink, be active, and eat a healthy, colorful diet. Once kiddos are around 4-7 in age, naturally talk about alcohol when it comes up. No need to sit everyone down for a formal, intense dinner table presentation or speech. In fact, I read somewhere that the attention span for a child averages out to be around 2-3 minutes for each year of their age. Hence the reason we should keep it simple and short.
If you and the kids are watching tv and an ad for alcohol comes on, you can use this as an opportunity to ask casually if they know how drinking alcohol affects the body. No need to go into a crazy lecture here. Just keep it simple and say something like “Did you know alcohol slows down the body and mind? And it gives people stinky breath!” Don’t be surprised if there are follow up questions like, “But how come it’s okay for grownups to drink it but not kids??” You could tackle this question by saying something like, “Well sweetie, alcohol can damage a growing body and increases the risk of drinking problems later in life.” Of course, as they get older you can elaborate way more. For instance once they’re over age 9 - start diving into short-term effects like hangovers, impaired judgement, distorted vision, etc. Also, it’s long-term effects such as liver damage, memory loss, heart and brain damage, etc. Am I reminding you why it's glorious to be alcohol-free, too?!
Set a good example. Transparency is key. Most parents can agree that our kiddos see and hear EVERYTHING. We can’t hide anything from kids! A lot of times they even know things before we even know they know. And unfortunately, a lot of times they internalize everything. If they see “Oh mommy had wine... and now she is happy” or “”Oh Dad was stressed and acting kind of mad... but now he’s had a couple beers and he seems silly and fun.” They see this and instantly think, “Okay, so if I’m sad... maybe I need wine? Or if I’m mad... maybe I need a couple beers?” Sounds ridiculous, I know! But man is it true. HOW we act, WHAT we do, WHAT we say, these are all things our children see nearly every minute of the day and they will mimic this behavior. Why? Because we are their role models. We are their heroes. I challenge you my sweet reader, to realize what kind of beautiful, healthy, example you can set for your children.
Coach instead of trying to control. We all know we can’t control our children when they’re out of our sight. I know, it stinks doesn’t it?! However, we can help them become a person of good values and good judgement. We can prepare them for the real world be raising smart kids with good character. Coach them with questions like, “Why do you think its illegal for kids under 21 to drink alcohol?” “What would you do if you were in a car and the driver had been drinking alcohol?” ”Why do you think kids try alcohol?” "Have you ever been offered a drink? Were you tempted to say yes?” “Would you be worried about becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs?” Listen hard to their responses and I’d imagine you’ll quickly learn a lot from their answers.
Have practice conversations with your child. What I mean by this, is do some practice scenarios they might encounter in the future, where they may have to make an important decision. For example, if someone offers them a drink, what are they going to say?? Just like YOU have been practicing your responses in this beautiful sober journey of yours, it’s going to be crucial our children have a line they feel comfortable and confident in using when put in this situation. Here are some ideas:
“No thanks, I’m the driver tonight.”
“No thanks, I don’t drink.”
”No thanks, playing for the football team is way too important to me.”
“No thanks, I’m actually allergic.”
Having a go-to line can help them be prepared and not have to be caught in the moment without a plan.
Keep the conversations going, always. Not sure how to make this happen? Start by making sure you’re a good listener. Give them your full, undivided attention. When they’re talking to you, whether it’s simple or complex, show them that you’re really listening. Put the phone down, close the laptop, remove the distractions. If we seem occupied, they may feel like their information isn’t valued and that you don’t really want to hear it. When this happens time after time, they’ll lessen, if not stop, their attempts to communicate with us. Another idea, is to focus on spending quality time together. I think we can all agree that the best relationships thrive on communication. If we pour energy into bonding with our kiddos, you know… doing things with them that they actually enjoy doing - whether it be a favorite board game, going fishing, you fill in the blank, the more likely we may just be surprised with what they’re willing to share with us.
Friends, at the end of the day, it’s 100% YOUR choice when and how to talk to you kiddos about alcohol. But after really digging into this topic and listening to my gut, I truly believe that by making open communication a thing in your home, having these "tough" talks, making sure our children feel comfortable asking questions and can come to us with other difficult topics, to me, is one of the ultimate goals in parenting.